a string of unfortunate events

Last night, Nathan came home with an icepack taped to his right shoulder/arm. And said that it was a bad day for him. He was playing basketball with his grad friends, when all of a sudden, he heard a popping sound. He looked at his arm and his bicep muscle had torn it off the bone. We ended up at the emergency room till about midnight waiting, and waiting, then getting x-rays. So now he has his arm in a sling and has to wait to get surgery to reattach his muscle to his bone.

This morning we went to my first meeting with my OB/GYN. First I had to get an ultra-sound, then meet with my doctor. As the nurse is looking around, we see our baby, she kept on moving the wand inside me for about 5 minutes, measuring, punching in numbers, etc. I asked if everything was OK. She said, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't detect a heartbeat."

My heart sunk as I searched that monitor for some sign of a heart beating, and there was none, our 10 week old baby had died. Nathan and I are in complete shock. She said she would call in the Doctor to talk with me. So as we waited, we just looked at each other with nothing really to say. I kept on trying to find signs, but there was no spotting, cramping, bleeding, anything that would give me some indication that something was wrong.

The Doctor walks in and gives me a big hug and apologizes to me for our loss. She said that 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. She also said it was most likely a chromosomal issue and the baby no longer could develop. She gave me hope that most pregnancies don't have recurrence in miscarriages, and that when the time is right for Nathan and I, she wants to send me to an Endocrinologist and get me on progesterone.

So as it stands now, I'm walking around with my dead baby in my womb. :( I can't even describe the void and pain I feel right now. I read my baby books everyday, took my vitamins and did everything right, so I know it's completely out of my control. We had even booked a hotel room for the weekend in Boston with Waterfront views to celebrate our 3rd Anniversary. We're still going, but I know we won't feel like celebrating anything.

Monday morning, I'm going in to Boston to have the baby extracted. They will sedate me just a little, but I'll need to take Monday and Tuesday off of work. We're also going away on vacation to see the grandparents in Ohio on Wednesday.

I might not be posting anything for a while, so we can take time to grieve our loss. We're not giving up on having children.