there's always a rainbow after the storm

Since my last miscarriage this past August, it has been a very emotionally draining time for me. Some days were harder than others and I felt like the only way I'd get out of my funk was to get pregnant again. I wasn't motivated to do much but sulk in my sadness.

During Thanksgiving weekend Nathan and I had been informed that Pam, his mother, had a "stroke." A week after that, we had been told it was a brain tumor about the size of a golf ball. It shook our world and we just couldn't believe this was happening. This news of course forced me to ask the question, "When is it ever going to stop?" When I looked back on the year, this was all I could reflect on:
1.) My father died a year ago, and my sister and I found out last December. We morned his death in Florida with my family. And I regret never having time to heal our lack of relationship.
2.) My grandmother had open heart surgery to replace a valve. It was a very scary time for my family.
3.) We had a miscarriage in August. I was 10 weeks pregnant. I had a D&E.
4.) Nathan tore his bicep off of his shoulder, therefore needing surgery.
5.) I dislocated a disk in my neck that forced me to see a spine specialist and chiropractor 3 times a week.
6.) My mother and I had experienced a very traumatic experience with my sister during Thanksgiving that worried me to the point where I had reached ultimate anxiety and fear.
7.) Nathan's mother was diagnosed with Anaplastic Astrocytoma Grade II-III tumor.

Our year couldn't get worse, it just couldn't. We were still determined to get pregnant by the end of the year, so we started the process early this month. Sure enough I tested positive on a pregnancy test on December 13th! For Christmas, Nathan and I decided to tell our family we were expecting. We figured that everyone knew about our miscarriage, and that we were still trying. Plus we felt like with all that's happened in our families, a little good news would help end the year off in better spirits.

I called my mother in Maine that morning because she was at my sister's house. I had emailed both of them a poem and pictures of the positive pregnancy stick. They opened the email as I waited on the phone to hear their reaction. Of course my mother cried, my sister was elated and my nieces were already placing bets on what I'd have and when.

We headed over to Nathan's dad's house to spend the day there. I had bought a Christmas card that had addressed Brent and Roberta as Grandma & Grandpa. I also inserted the same poem inside and they both were shocked and surprised!

At that point, we estimated that I was about 4 weeks pregnant.